Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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