why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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