to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
