I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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