Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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