i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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