you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
