you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
