He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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