dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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