he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
