If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
