How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
