His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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