ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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