I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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