Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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