how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
