finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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