they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
