i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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