I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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