why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
