Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
