Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
