love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
