Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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