so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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