i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
