Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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