I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
