How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
