No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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