I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
