the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
