What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
