I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
