How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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