I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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