didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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