i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize