He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
