So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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