i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
