He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize