and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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