The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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