I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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