those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
