so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's always time for handjobs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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