Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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