There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
