oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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