We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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