Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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