Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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