We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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