I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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