I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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