Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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